Monday, March 1, 2010

Nasty Stomach flu and some other thoughts...

So I never made it back into work for my night shifts. I caught a really nasty stomach flu, after 4 days I am finally starting to feel a bit better. I think I might have actually had Norwalk virus...nasty nasty stuff!

I wanted to clarify a few things about the testing. I did actually get some testing done (including the thrombophilia work-up) and it all came back negative - which is why my Dr. doesn't think it is necessary to have it done again.

In terms of recovering from this Blighted Ovum and D&C I feel like I am at a standstill. I am stuck in this place and don't know where to go. Physically I am doing alright, it has been 10 days and I am still spotting. No heavy bleeding which is good, but I would really love this spotting to stop. As far as emotionally - I am a bit lost. I still haven't opened the closet that I put baby stuff in. I didn't buy much, but I had such a good feeling about this past pregnancy I had allowed myself get a few small things. Part of me is angry and just wants to grab a garbage bag and throw it all away...but the other part of me hopes that one day there will be a baby for it all.

I am feeling really empty. I was so happy when I was pregnant and now, along with the pregnancy all the hopes and dreams that came along with it are gone too. I have an empty belly and what feels like an empty heart - gosh, that sounds really depressing but it is how I feel.

I want so badly to get pregnant again but I am scared about all the what if's - and the biggest what if is what if I have another loss? I know that without risk there is no reward but a person can only be knocked down so many times before they can't get up anymore.

So that is where I am today, tomorrow might be better, who knows!


4 comments:

  1. ((hugs)) I am sorry, I hope that there is a baby in your future!

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  2. Wishing you healing for your whole self- body and soul. And a good dose of continued bravery for being back at work!

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  3. praying for a baby in your future *hugs*

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  4. We are here to help you "get back up", my dear. You are fighting through so much, it's so natural to feel lost and unsure. There will be a baby for all of that baby stuff. For now, it's okay to leave it where it is.

    I know how frightened you are about the 'what if's' of getting pregnant again. I think the 'what if's' will be so much greater if you don't try again...... strength to you.

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