Brian and I got back from a lovely vacation a week ago from Cuba. We were married in Cuba in 2007 so I think it will always have a place in my heart. It was a great week spent relaxing by the pool, then by the ocean and then back by the pool....all with a fresh banana daiquiris in hand. I had a few moments I just wanted to reflect on...
The first was just after we took off, the plane had just gotten over the clouds and the sun was shining so bright. The clouds where the big, white fluffy ones...and out of nowhere I felt an overwhelming closeness to Jackson. It was like he was right there and I could feel his presence. I remember thinking this is where he plays all day - up in the clouds....it was really beautiful. With my hand on my heart I shed a few silent tears wishing he was going on vacation with us...but in a way I guess he was.
The other "moment" was a bit harder...it was out last day there and I was laying on the sun chair thinking about going back to work, going back to life, going back to reality...and I just started to cry. I had entire week where I didn't think about all the stress and it was amazing.....I didn't want to come back to the emotional reality of my life.....but obviously we had to come back. I talked with Brian about how we could make life a little less stresssful and we are going to try to adapt those ideas...taking more time for ourselves, trying to look on the positive side of things....ect. We will see how it goes.
This last week has been hard, only b/c I attended a baby shower of a close friend - those are always hard....especially since the baby is going to be a boy. Shopping for baby boy stuff really sucks... At the baby shower one by one my co-workers arrived with their new babies in tow....there were probably 7 or so babies there and 2 pregnant people...and all I could think was Jackson should be playing with these babies. That and I would be due right now if I wouldn't have had my first early loss.....but I made it through and lived to live another day. I know in my heart that one day I will have a baby shower for my own baby and that is what keeps me going.
I just finished 4 busy days at work and now I am off for 5....5 glorious days where I don't have to rush to do anything...and I plan on enjoying everyday of it! I hope everyone has a good week.