Monday, June 21, 2010

Dealing with it...

So, in regards to my last post I just wanted to say that I am okay...it has been a really rough, emotional few days but I think I have handled in the best way possible for me. After taking some time to think about what I really wanted to say to my friend I decided to send her a message online....I thought about calling but it is such an emotional issue I really wanted to say what I wanted to say without tears getting in the way....and I found writing to be therapeutic.

I send her a message saying how happy I was for her that her baby was here and healthy, and that I knew she would be a great mother....but as much as I was happy for her I was sad. Sad for two reasons....one was b/c her Jack was here and would get to do the things that my Jack would never get to do...and sad b/c I felt like I lost a friend. There was a lot more detail in the letter - but I also said that I needed to do what I need to do now to say healthy and be happy - and sadly, that means not being around her. Every time I hear that name it is like a stab to my already aching heart....and I can't handle that everyday for years to come....and maybe one day it will get a bit easier, but I am not sure that will be anytime soon.

I am sad I lost a friend, but I feel at peace with my decision. I need to be happy, and the best way to do that is focus on me. I need to surround myself with positive people who are there to support me...and if you can't do that, then I don't need you in my life. I don't think that is a lot to ask for from a friend.

5 comments:

  1. not too much to ask for at all..xo

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  2. I don't think it is too much to ask for at all. I am sorry you lost your friend, but I think I would have done the same thing.

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  3. proud of you. take care of you....

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  4. I totallu understand your decision. I too have lost a friend and infact i have not seen her 4 week old baby yet... nor do i plan to. This tells me one thing, she wasnt a friend to begin with.
    focus on you xxx

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  5. I have also lost a friend. One that I thought I could count on for friendship, comfort and support. I found she wasn't around after we lost our daughter because she didn't want to tell me she was pregnant. I'm sure it was difficult for her, but to me true friendship overcomes your own feelings to focus on the feelings of others. It's always heartbreaking to realize the shallowness of people you thought were valued friends, but it's also encouraging to find those people in your life who do stand with you. Wishing you the best.

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