So, in regards to my last post I just wanted to say that I am okay...it has been a really rough, emotional few days but I think I have handled in the best way possible for me. After taking some time to think about what I really wanted to say to my friend I decided to send her a message online....I thought about calling but it is such an emotional issue I really wanted to say what I wanted to say without tears getting in the way....and I found writing to be therapeutic.
I send her a message saying how happy I was for her that her baby was here and healthy, and that I knew she would be a great mother....but as much as I was happy for her I was sad. Sad for two reasons....one was b/c her Jack was here and would get to do the things that my Jack would never get to do...and sad b/c I felt like I lost a friend. There was a lot more detail in the letter - but I also said that I needed to do what I need to do now to say healthy and be happy - and sadly, that means not being around her. Every time I hear that name it is like a stab to my already aching heart....and I can't handle that everyday for years to come....and maybe one day it will get a bit easier, but I am not sure that will be anytime soon.
I am sad I lost a friend, but I feel at peace with my decision. I need to be happy, and the best way to do that is focus on me. I need to surround myself with positive people who are there to support me...and if you can't do that, then I don't need you in my life. I don't think that is a lot to ask for from a friend.