Wednesday, August 25, 2010

13w1d - Posted it on Facebook

Week by week I am getting there. I am now 13w1d and feeling pretty good. I officially posted it on Facebook, which I was a bit nervous b/c with Jackson 1 week after I posted it on facebook my water broke. I have to remind myself that just b/c it happened last time doesn't mean it will happen this time. So that is part of the reason why I did it...I am happy and excited and I want to share it with the world.

But lets be honest I am still terrified. Terrified that something can and will go wrong. But instead of focusing on it I am trying to focus on the many other things that are going on in my life. One day at a time!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Perinatologist apt

Today I met with Dr. Okun, who was fabulous. We went over my history and she was so compassionate and caring. She told the likelihood of having preterm rupture of membranes again was so so low, which helped but of course it still scares me.

We came up with a care plan, it may seem overdoing it some but after you have lost your child I don't think that there is overdoing it. I will have pretty regular u/s (@ 14, 18, 22 & 26 weeks) to watch my cervical length, do monthly urine and blood tests to check for infection and to watch my Anti-E titer levels. Overall I left the apt feeling good. My OB was actually on call so I told her how it all went and she was so supportive.

I don't have my u/s pictures back yet, the place says about a week for them to burn them onto a disk...but I will post them when I get them. The u/s tech showed me the little one again today, moving about in there. Oddly enough, and I know it is really early but I think I may have felt some movement at night for the past few nights, just faint faint little flutters inside....I can't wait to feel more. Also, I am finding that even though I haven't gained weight (I actually lost 4 pounds since I found out I was pregnant just trying to be healthier) my pants are getting snug around the waist. Especially when wearing jeans when sitting. Yesterday while Brian and I were at a restaurant I had to undo my pants! I guess it is time to bust out the Bella band. They do say you show earlier with your second...I think that may be right for me too. One time in my life when I am excited to have a belly!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

12w1d - Love at first sight!

So I can say that I officially made it to 12 weeks!! Yeah me, yeah baby! I was working nights Monday and just after midnight Brian called and wished me "Happy 12 weeks". It was very sweet!

I had my 12 week IPS u/s done today and for the first time we got to really look at the little one. With a tear running down my check I was so happy to see the baby squirming around in there. Brian came in and saw I was crying and looked panicked, but I told him they were happy tears...then he got to see the baby too. Love at first sight!

Tomorrow I see the Perinatologist, I am looking forward to what she has to say/recommend. I will blog again tomorrow with news from that apt! I am still taking it one day at a time, but I am more optimistic now than I was before....cautiously optimistic b/c I know the reality of what can happen, but none the less, optimistic!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Scary Nightmares - 10w3d

So the last few nights I have been having horrible nightmares about bleeding, and thus miscarrying. I think I am having these nightmare b/c I am thinking about the spotting, and in turn thinking about all the things that can, and might go wrong.

Last night in my nightmare I bled so much I soaked 6 pads and the Dr. said, yes you are miscarrying, lets give it a week and if you are still bleeding by Friday we will do a D&C. I wake up terrified and run to the bathroom scared to look down.

But all is well - no more bleeding. I know I just need to relax.

Another thing that is stressing me out is that Brian needs another major back surgery. He had a herniated and ruptured disk fixed in his back in 2002 - but his back has gotten progressively worse since. We saw the specialist on Tuesday and he told him he needs Spinal Decompression and Spinal Fusion done. He told him that afterward he is going to feel like he has been hit by a bus. Nice eh? I explained that I was pregnant to the secretary b/c we don't want the surgery near when I am we have two dates. Sept 7th or Oct 4th. If it is not the first it will be the second...which does give him time to recover before baby comes....if baby comes.....I should stop talking like that...when baby comes!

Not that I want my hubby to have to have surgery, but it gives me something else to worry about other than me and this pregnancy!