6 weeks later - PPH

I am not sure why, but it always seems like the shittiest things happen to nurses. This proves my point.

 After any birth there is a chance of having a PPH, you chances are increased when you are delivering a preterm baby or when you need a manual removal of your placenta b/c it did not want to detach from your uterus.

Six weeks after losing Jackson to the date I had an "impressive" Postpartum Hemorrhage. I wasn't really going out much at this point b/c everywhere I went there seemed to be a reminder that I was no longer pregnant. Everywhere you look there are happy pregnant people or people with new babies. The empty parking spots for new moms made me especially angry.

On Nov 7th I was meeting Brian for lunch at his work. I was feeling fine, I had some minor cramping so I thought I was maybe going to be getting my period for the first time since losing Jackson. Before we left for lunch I thought I felt a trickle and thought I should go the the bathroom. As soon as I pulled down my pants it was like a tap turned on and I was gushing bright red blood and clots. I was so scared...in my head I knew that this could happen, but it was 6 weeks later and I was bleeding so much. I called Brian to the bathroon and he didn't know what to do. I called work and they told me to get to the hospital. I put on a heavy pad and tried to make it to the car, but before I could even get there I was bleeding through my pants. Everyone was staring at me...I felt so dumb. By the time we got to the hospital, which only took 5 mins, I was sitting in a pool of blood in the car. Both Brian's work bathroom and my car look like a bloody murder scene. Brian was terrified and so was I...

I walked into the ER and they saw me right away, of course, who would turn away a woman soaked in her own blood. I had an ultrasound and there was a piece of placenta that had stuck to my uterine wall...and I had to go for an emergency D&C.

I remember being in tears, I felt like I had been through so much, and maybe finally I was starting to get a hold on everything... I mean, it had been 6 weeks.

I had the D&C right away, and they kept me overnight b/c I had lost a lot of blood....I am just so tired of everything. I still cry everyday b/c I miss my son so much, and now I am dealing with this crap...I just feel so tired of everything.